By Sasha - 03 Feb 2012

Nomads of the Friendzone

The Friendzone (actual photo)

A lot of guys, and all Nice Guys™, like to talk about the Friendzone, which is a desolate wasteland of no-sex that men are cast into by callous women who don’t want to fuck them. It works like this: Dude likes a lady. I mean he REALLY likes her. She likes him, but she doesn’t LIKE like him. He is banished to the Friendzone and his penis is dry forever after. What’s worse, she keeps being friends with the guy who she has betrayed (by not sucking his dick) and has the audacity to date and copulate with OTHER DUDES who are obviously inferior to our hero.

Okay, now you know how horrible the Friendzone is and how messed up it is that any woman would EVER do that to a Nice Guy™. I’m done here, right?

Actually, no, I’m not. The Friendzone is basically a myth and being friends with women is pretty awesome even when you don’t stick your penis inside them. Here’s why.


Many, if not most, dudes who complain about how Nice Guys™ always end up in the Friendzone are seething with resentment. They feel like treating a woman well entitles them to tapping that ass. They get angry because they fall for a woman who doesn’t feel the same way about them. If a woman pursues a guy after it’s clear he doesn’t feel the same way she’s mocked. If a guy does it he’s a poor, maligned Nice Guy™ who that mean bitch won’t date. Think about that double standard. Don’t participate in it and don’t perpetuate it.


 Many guys who complain about the Friendzone spend a lot of time waiting for a woman to realize that her friend is TOTALLY the dude she wants to be boning. If you don’t even ask her out, how the fuck is she supposed to know you have those feelings for her? Also? Complaining about being in the Friendzone doesn’t count. It also makes you sound like a whiny little baby. (Yes, that IS ageist of me.)


And there are a lot of things you get out of being friends with a woman you aren’t sleeping with that you don’t get from the men you don’t sleep with or the women you don’t sleep with. Example: Women are often less hung up by sexist expectations and can give you good advice on how to get laid with other ladies. Also? When you have women as friends (real friends, not waiting-around-to-hopefully-get-fucked friends) that sends a clear signal to women that THIS GUY HAS HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS WITH WOMEN. You know what gets a lot of women horny? Guys who have healthy relationships with women. Chicks totally love that shit.


Here’s the deal: You don’t want to sleep with every woman you get along with. I know I don’t. See my handy Venn diagram to the right. As you can see, there are a lot more people I am only interested in friendship with than there are people I want to put my penis inside. You probably have a very similar ratio, most men do. Most women are the same way because, as recent studies have shown, women are also people(!!!), so we can expect similarities to happen about human behavior stuff like this.

When you just want to be friends with someone, that doesn’t always mean there’s a real flaw with them. Maybe there’s just no “spark” that makes you want to tear off your clothes. Sometimes that “spark” thing happens but is one-sided. Oh boy, isn’t that hilarious and awkward? Good thing we’re all adults and can laugh it off and get on with life.


  • Don’t complain about the Friendzone. It just means someone likes you but doesn’t LIKE like you. You have people you like but don’t LIKE like. Please be a grown up about it.
  • Seething in a pit of resentment because the person you “chose” didn’t choose you back isn’t attractive OR “nice”.
  • Chicks dig dudes who have healthy friendships with women.
  • Just because I like you, doesn’t mean I want to bone you.

Have a nice weekend, folks.

– Sasha Pixlee


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MelanijaFebruary 3, 2012 10:04 am

The paragraph on how “Women Make Great Friends” makes me kind of uncomfortable since neither of the things you mention are good reasons to be friends with someone. I definitely wouldn’t want guys to be friends with me because they think having a relationship with me will get them more sex with other women. Plus, guys already come to me all the time asking for relationship advice as if I’m privy to some secret Women Knowledge. It’s annoying enough to be asked what someone should get someone else I’ve never met for their birthday, I don’t want to also have to advise them on how to get into that other woman’s pants. Not to mention the fact that there are plenty of women who are just as hung up on sexist expectations as men.

How about, instead, men can be friends with women because they share the same hobby, or have interesting conversations, or because she’s funny and has a good sense of humor? You don’t need to get something “extra” from a woman in order to be friends with her.

Sasha February 03 2012 10:16 am

I agree completely. I actually added that section because, sadly, there are a bunch of guys who seem to have the idea that women are for sex, men are for friends. And men and women can't be platonic friends, and on and on and on.

I wanted to provide concrete reasons for them to not feel like "mere friendship" with a woman isn't a consolation prize. Baby steps, and all that.

I'm not trying to dispute your point, merely explain why I wrote that the way I did. I'm trying to reach the unconverted, basically.

MelanijaFebruary 3, 2012 11:52 am

Sasha, I understand your intent, I just think that what you wrote isn’t actually helpful. The ideas you present still treat women as sexual props, by suggesting that men use their “friendship” with some women as a way to get sex with other women. It basically comes across as, “Don’t worry, if you can’t have sex with this one, you can use her strategically to get sex with another one.” I don’t think that this is a baby step toward anything positive.

I do appreciate you trying to reach the unconverted, though, and I am enjoying following this blog so far. 🙂

Sasha February 03 2012 11:59 am

Great point, and thanks for the feedback. I'm always looking for ways to improve things in my writing.

Glad you're enjoying the project so far!

DavrosLivesFebruary 4, 2012 4:52 pm

I think the problem with endless whining about the Friend Zone is just that… THE WHINING. Yes, the “Friend Zone” is something that exists, I suppose, but why the bizarre reaction to it? I have female friends who aren’t interested in me (though I’m interested in them), and my reaction is: “Oh. That sucks. Oh well, still friends” and I continue being friends with them. I don’t seethe quietly, or undermine their relationships, or talk shit on them when they’re not around. In my opinion, if you’re whining about the Friend Zone, YOU AREN’T REALLY FRIENDS. You’re lying to her, and yourself. Do her a favor and go away, so she can have friends who care more about having a good time with people than getting personal sexual gratification.

You will meet people you like, and others you don’t. Some who like you, and others who don’t. Deal with it. Yeesh.

Sasha, I’m really enjoying the site so far. I like the idea of a place where guys can comment on feminism and similar issues without interfering with and sometimes overshadowing the female bloggers. I think that too often, males end up dominating the conversation (often simply due to numbers). This site is a nice way of giving the male perspective on issues without clogging up the discussions of Greta, Ophelia, and other skeptical feminist bloggers. – The Friendzone DebunkedFebruary 6, 2012 7:56 am

[…] More Than Men, a blog I was just turned onto by a friend, there’s a great post called “Nomads of the Friendzone,” which is about the myths of the so-called “friendzone,” the place where many a […]

brazilbachelor.blogspot.comFebruary 7, 2012 2:43 pm

This is a great blog! It’s refreshing to find that I’m not the only one that has took the red pill…no more Mr.Nice guy for me!!
Keep it up , great writing.

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